Why do we write?

I think people start blogs when they're feeling something strong. Something has to drive them to take that action. For me, it's frustration. I want to connect with others through my writing but it just wasn't happening for years.

I've been writing with the goal of publication since 2008, the same year I started my doctorate. I finished my first novel four years later, the same year I graduated with a PhD. After revising the manuscript countless times, I sent it off to agents. It didn't get much interest.

So I started another one. I wrote the first draft in six months and revised it over the next year and a half, which included time working with a professional editor. If you've never worked with an editor, I highly recommend it. The feedback she gave me was more valuable than gold.

I revised that manuscript until I thought I was going mad, then I sent it out to agents. The same thing as before happened. No interest. Zilch. Nothing. Not one single request for more pages.

It was beyond discouraging. I had worked so hard!

Also, I had been operating under the belief that my life would start when I got published, that I would finally become someone. So every time I sent my manuscript out and it got rejected, it was another sign that my life hadn't started yet, that I hadn't become someone.

So I went into a depression.

I didn't recognize it as depression at first because I don't have experience with depression. I had never been depressed before. But I knew something was wrong. I didn't feel like writing anything new. When I tried, I found that I just...couldn't. I had no new ideas and no desire to write about them even if I did have them. This was a red flag for me because I can't not write. I love writing. Writing is a part of me, a part of my identity. Now that I wasn't writing, who was I?

What followed were some dark months. It began taking a toll on my relationship with my husband and my kids, and of course it took a toll on my mental and physical health.

I eventually got tired of feeling so incredibly sad and uninspired that I made an appointment with a life coach. The initial session went terrific. She promised me a transformation, and although I didn't feel transformed after our twelve week session, I did have valuable insights into myself and my motivations for writing. I learned that my creativity left me because I had put too much pressure on it.

Slowly I began to change my reasons for wanting to write and wanting to get published. Before my motivation for writing was to make it on the bestseller lists and sell lots of books and make lots of money. After some deep reflection, I realized I had a stronger reason to write and publish my work -- to connect with others. Little by little, my creativity returned. The day our twins started kindergarten, I began a new manuscript.

These days I try to keep my frustration at bay by focusing on why I write. Which is to connect with people. That's a much better reason to write than wanting to be on the bestseller list, and it's definitely something I have much more control over. So even though I'm not published yet, I can still connect with others. Hence this blog. And if I can help other writers with what I've learned, that makes it all worth it.

Tell me, writer, why do you write?